We all know what it can be like...you meet someone new, someone enticing to the senses, and they show you what life might be like with them. You want nothing but to be around them, hold them, and excite them. All of this becomes wrapped up into one big package of lovely, finger-licking goodness and sometimes before you know it, the wrapping comes unglued. So, what do we do, you may ask? Well, you can either harp on the loss of wrapping, go out and buy some more of the same, or do what I am going to do: enjoy the ride as I unravel my life and prepare for the future. Just picture me as I am twirling all about in the summer sun, arms all askew, and looking forward; always looking forward...whee-hee-hee. Look at me - I'm spinning like a mad-man, all top and no bottom peeps. Whatever you do, do not bother to stop my momentum cuz where I am going is only where the fortunate get to go. Carpe diem.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning."
- Albert Einstein

Bam...its not gone but I have no idea where it went. Eventually boarding a boat in the States and sailing around most of the world. A reason, a season, and a lifetime, my friends, that is what it all comes down to. Some come to teach you something or you teach them; whichever it is, their stay is brief and to the point. Then, bam...they are gone. What you take from the time spent, is up to you and up to them, and then we have the next line of learning. Some other people come in for a bit longer to stay and warm their bones, rest their tired minds, and receive instead of leave. Eventually, as all things must, their time comes to an end, and bam...they are gone. This time limit is not quite as short but that depends on the person and how they measure another's importance. Finally, there are those that stay for the duration, bring with them knowledge and burning passion that can never burn out; no matter how much the masses throw water on it. Are they necessarily in your life the whole time or always around in the background? Every time I think I have the answer, I learn that there is more than one algorithm to solve any given problem - that is what makes life the glorious journey it is. I want to travel again, see the world through different eyes, walk foreign soils, and kiss exotic lips that taste like...like something I have never before had the opportunity to taste. Is it time for that now? Or do I stay put and finish what I am beginning? The building of roots only to rip them up again anyway, one day not too far away when I can't take the madness of normal, everyday conversation...yup, once again, my mind wants to reach for that supposedly untouchable level while my soul knows everything is attainable - if we only ask for it. I need answers that are not forthcoming and only can be told by the passage of time...screw it, and screw it all; just screw it. I am going underground and learning what makes my thought so different, so unusual, so...me. World domination, baby. Hell yeah. Bam...there it is in the distance.

"The sun's rays don't bother me, no they cast down such a wonderful heat; masking beauty by a terrible fate...if you fly to close and then you turn too late/ The night still confuses me, we all get tired and sleep eventually; regardless of the sun's demands, regardless if it made much sense...You moved so far that I know how far and you got so sad that I bought a car - yes I will come get you and I will bring you home/ You sat me down and said he was incomplete; he thinks that true love is gonna get him back on his feet/ He says you only find love once in your life, so I guess when you find it, you're gonna hold it right; you hold it right/ It makes no sense cuz there is no sense in it at all and we all wait around for you to get tired and fall...yes your shadow it resumes with me yes your shadow it was made for me/ She speaks clearly he speaks loudly; I speak only clearly loudly...yes my shadow well it resumes with me; yes my shadow yes it was made for me...She told me love will come once in your life and once you find it you will hold it right/ You moved so far that I knew how far and you got so sad that I bought a car - yes I will come get you and I will bring you home; I will come get you and I will say...welcome home." - Sara and Teegan

So I was told today that my writings can sometimes be too heavy...Yup, I can go with that, but it is who I am but yet, at the same time, there is so much more that makes up me. So, for those of you who are interested to see another side of me; here you go.

I dust off my funny ha-ha hat and bring you a story of a semi-rainy, autumn night in downtown Vancouver. I was out street skating with Sean and Heffe - just guys being guys and causing trouble with the local, um, uh...street-life? So, eventually we took refuge from the rain under a bank awning, and attempted to warm our wet bodies. I was standing across from Sean when it happened - Heffe (which means 'Boss" in Spanish) skated by us, and pretended to slip on the wet sidewalk. He kind of grinned at us, and himself, before suddenly his wheel actually did catch in a small innocous puddle. In a split second, the board under his feet shot forward with his back foot still on the grip tape. But his back foot? It slipped off, and somehow someway, kicked back behind him just as his body was falling to the ground. At the same time his body made contact with the cement, his left foot came up and kicked him in the head...Just picture that okay? His leg did not so much fall underneath him so much as it bent back, G.I. Joe style, and kicked his own head. Sean and I just stood there in shock and watched it happen. Heffe jumped up to stare at us with a wild look in his eyes; a question of what he had just felt being true or not. We looked at him, and both said, "Yeah, man, you just kicked yourself in the head!" We all started laughing at what just happened, and to this day I still cannot believe that the human torso is capable of something like that, you know? We are not meant to bend that way, but for that one night, Heffe broke all the rules and made it happen. The last time I saw him was in Vancouver and that was like 3 years ago; I wonder what it is that he is doing now and where he might seehis life going. Sean is a different story and I ended up living with him last year in Whistler - yup, just me, him, and Butta all in a tiny one bedroom apartment, living up the high life of a dream in the mecca that is Whistler. It is funny how some friendships stray and how others are never given the chance to get off the ground.

But that, my friends, is another story for another day at another time - no more heavy stuff, right? Right. Hey, who has two thumbs and loves ice cream? This guy right here (picture the author with his thumbs pointing at his chest for the full effect).

"Ever notice how it is a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal." - Stephen Wright

Have you ever sat back and wondered about the things that cause strife in your life? What would you do if you were able to center in on them and come up with a solution for them? I mean, who wants strife in our life, right? Here is my "strife" and some would kind of laugh at me for it - I have this crazy tendency to have these beautiful women come into my life, fall in love with me, and then something happens to take them away from me. Then I sit back and wonder why they came, what they came for, and why they had to leave me...I talked about this with a close friend last night and she started laughing at me, and called me a lucky bastid. "Todd", she said, "Do you know that most people would give anything to feel love for just one of those times?" Huh, I thought, after we hung up...Huh.

So, here I am again - I didn't want to be here in this same place again, but I had no control over it. After the way things went last time, I had decided to sit back and delve into the underground that is me again. Then, one day, this woman looked at me in a way she never has before, and I was smitten. There, I said it, and now it is out in my open; and therefore, I place it out in her open. I have felt almost kind of shame for starting to fall in love with her, but to say that is to slight her, when she deserves nothing but respect. When something this special comes around, do not grasp tight but let it have room to breathe, as you would ask the same of yourself. Mine has touched me in a place I never knew existed until she came around - how many of us can actually say that? We can read our thoughts before they barely even enter our minds, tell the other, and laugh at how simple it really can be. Time plays a game on us, but that is okay because one day time will be ours. Ours to share, ours to celebrate, and ours to do with it as we may. But, to have that time I am told that I will have to step back and do something I have never done before. I have to go and find a middle ground for the first time in my life - I am a person who has only known one extreme or the next and now I am in the process of learning something new. A middle ground means accepting balance in my life and I cannot find any fault in having balance; could you?

So, if you have a special someone you want to tell how you feel, how they make you feel, or even if they just make you smile...Tell them because you may never know when the chance will come again as life is beautiful; but ever-so-fleeting. Just remember to breathe along the way...

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole world would change." - Buddha

I remember, years ago, sitting on a bench in downtown Nanaimo and pondering what my next step would be. Was I to move to another set of mountains or go back to school? At that same time, I recall watching a sea-plane take flight and leave the calm waters of the harbour in its wake; if only I could have done the same. It wasn't too long after that when my life began to take another form, away from the perfunctory way of daily living until then...My search for her led me to a copy of her, away from her, and into the mountains where I thought she might be hiding out - away from the world and awaiting my arrival. I listened to the words of a song about a dream-girl - one that fit so perfectly that it could not be meant to lead me astray - and my questioning lead me deep into peaks of snow and oceans of soft sand. But, my hunt was one of unfulfillment, sadness, but yet, one of insight and understanding. My last five years were not a waste, but they were needed to spend the time in between to ready myself; to become the man I am on the way to becoming. Along the way though, I passed by and saw so many imitations of the real deal, and they all threw monkey wrenches into my plans. But now? I am where I wanted to be from so many years ago, and even though my reason for coming back was not based on her, it ended up that I would meet her here. I heard a rumour that she loved the mountains and the snow, but I went there and found it to be just that - a rumour and not the truth. How was I to know that it would happen in the most basic place; a place I had left long ago, and upon my return found her there. Not so much waiting for me, but instead, actually planning her departure. That, my friends, is what makes it real to me - that more time is needed to understand my innerself, making myself, and most important of all...wait for her return to me. She is my original in a row of impostors, but our time is not exactly right now...but it is not that far away. How can I know this u may ask? It's pretty easy actually - I have always asked a question for one particular reason...and always held my breath as I waited for the reply. Then, one innocuous night of conversation, I recieved the answer I always wanted. It is that simple...Mine is the story of the shepherd boy who meets his match on the other side of the equator, and who now just has to bide his time until she is ready for me. Huh...life and what it throws at me is the reason why I wake up every morning with a smile, and prepare to take on the coming day. Minus that first groggy half - hour, that is. Hold on McGinty. Hold on.

"The rumours of heaven only speed the truth on earth
My dark angel shine your light on my curse
You are the other that I have to find
Until I do, I guess I'll see you round my mind." - Blue Rodeo