Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Blue skies breaking through the cloud of Winter.

I am on the eve of my last exam for the semester, and coming to the end of my second year in university. Tomorrow does not loom large for me in the sense of scrambling to study because you either know it or you don't...hold on, let me check my papers to see if that is correct. Dang. Dang dang dang. Exams. Dang.

To tell the truth, I am not sure what I feel more: Pure unfettered joy that the madness has ended, or sadness because I have to wait another four months to pay for a return ticket for the madness all over again.

I love being a university student, I love all the challenges, and I love hanging around with smart people. I really love being around people with something to say because my mouth slowly closes, my ears perk up in attention, and I will go silent. It is then that you know I am listening and absorbing my surroundings. It is all in the learning people, it is all in the learning. The following would be what I have learned since I came to university. Here you go, and may you enjoy.

I learned that sometimes it is okay to wish for the fairy tale ending, but don't necessarily expect it to be an ending you always imagined. I came to see that sometimes friendship can seem as solid as wrought iron when instead it turns out to be soft pliable putty. I learned to brush off the dust, hold my head high, and eventually started to smile again...and we made our last acquaintance.

I learned that there is a Southern Sky to our Northern Sky, and that Brasil left Canada leaving an imprint on the boy from Newfoundland. I learned that it is not okay to wear my heart on my sleeve, but it is okay to have another watch over it until it is ready to feel again. I dug a little deeper when it was needed, and hovered below the surface on so many levels.

I learned that friends can be taken away in the blink of an eye, or in the squeeze of a trigger. I learned what it felt like again to be outside a church on the East Coast while funeral service was said for a brother. I tasted the salt of the rain, and gave thanks for the salt I was able to release in memory. I saw that it is not only possible to continue on, but that now we must push a little harder, laugh a little louder, and smile like your days will ever end.

I greeted the summer with an old friend by my side, and met another that means the world to me. I kept contact with another friend who was away from me, but is still one of my dearest allies. I learned that bonds are strong in the beginning yet so fragile in the end. I kissed french lips, danced a latin salsa, and learned a little history. I learned that music and dance is a surreal way to depart the summer, and even better when it is a three day celebration of debauchery and memories.

I made my way through fall, and learned that New York City was real, and not just an image on a television screen. I learned that drugs, alcohol, and a large back piece tattooed in ink do not necessarily make a good mix...but well worth the homage in the end. As fall fell out, I said goodbye to one who gave me back what she held watch over...my heart, now back in my pocket instead of on my sleeve. Winter came and went with walks on a beach with a new friend, and another from my past who came after the waves hit the beaches and destroyed a country.

I am learning that signs slowly desolve from sight and messages spring forth, as if sent in a coded envelope. I see that I am falling into an easy rhythm of placing fingers upon keys and depressing those keys to form my own form of music; my own form of style. I see them placing words on a screen, and that screen becoming the last words in my book of life; in my book of sight. I see it all because I have been walking for so long, and although I know there is so much further to go, that now the road is becoming smoother. It is becoming my path, and we all know your path is as warm as your Mother's kisses on a cold snowy day.

The sun is coming out to play early this year, and I can feel it to my core that I am that much closer to where I want to be. I know that it is still in the distance but also that the distance is not that far to go. I am learning to be patient, I am learning to pay attention, and I accept my mistakes by not making them again. Days pass on and nights roll in, each a new chance, to begin anew...to begin again.

If you can see truth in the fallacy, if all you want is to be free, then smile a little more, and love like you never knew it before. Chances are a revolving carousel of hope, and hope is what keeps our faith alive. Grab the ring as you pass by, and if you should miss, know that at least now you know it is there. Until we meet again, people, until we meet again.

"All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. To be natural is to be obvious, and to be obvious is to be inartistic." - Oscar Wilde