Patience: The state or quality of being patient; the power of suffering for fortitude (Ex. I must have patience and just walk my road.)
I sit here, listening to my thoughts as they race back in time to another era, to another day and age, when the Mountains ruled my life. I lived to do not much else but work, ride, eat, sleep, and ride, ride...ride. When I was able, I would add writing to that mix, usually after a day of working, eating, riding, and right before I fell asleep. It was during most of those days that I began to see that I was planning my arrival for another era, on another variation of the road, that at the time, I had no idea where it was going to lead. I am presently all over that aforementioned course like a fat kid on a smartie, but, there were moments in my life, where summer was only time to jones for a winter session. A season is not always a season unless I get to ride, and this will be the second year where I might not get to snowboard again. I remember last year, and how I started having a small anxiety attack towards the beginning of spring. For a brief moment, I was back in the familiar stage of wondering where I was going to ride next...when it hit me. I was going to be staying in one place for the first time in almost six years, and would be spending the next three to fours years of my life there. School was now my main vocation, and I realized that it was filling the void of not being able to surf on snow. It was a compromise I willingly made, not a sacrifice, and one that had waited eagerly in the background...until it was ready to become the new emperor in my life. Over the long haul of the past year, I have come to see that I am experiencing another type of season, one in which I seem to only have time for school, studying, eating, writing, work, and writing, writing...writing. The upcoming is my thoughts on that same year, and where it has lead me. Here you go, and may you enjoy.
Have you ever planted a dream, in hopes that it would grow into what you always knew it could be? That it would reach its potential, and reach for that unreachable star? To accomplish a bountiful return on investment, one must take the necessary steps involved in cultivating the soil, and stay the burn of desire versus talent, want versus need. I needed to not run away this time, needed to stick with my path, especially when I knew I would be in for shaky beginnings. I was leaving behind a lifestyle of drugs, partying, snowboarding, and autonomy, and trading it in for another of semantics, structure, scholastics...was I crazy? Everything seemed to be against me, attempting to prevent me from departing the mountains, and I could feel the leaden shackles desperately trying to keep my body cemented into the ground. But, it was my soul that could not be captured, retained, or restricted by earthly binds, and it has always held my best interests at heart. In the end, it all came down to what I needed to have, as opposed to what I wanted to have, and that was the only way of forward progression...I just needed something more. So, I did something different from what I had been doing for the last five years of my life, and instead of travelling from one bubble to the next, I opened the bubble door, and stepped outside to reality...one that had always been waiting patiently for me. With that step, the road ahead was new, open, and oh my god, so begging to be walked upon. I tried not to watch the peaks fade from sight in my rear-view mirror, but could feel their grasp loosen, yet knowing they would never fully release their hold on me.
Everything slowcoasted from there, days of movement and segue, and then all of a sudden, it was a new life... yet always the same person under a new layer of soul. Discoveries of words that made others laugh, think, and, hopefully one day, move forward in their own progression. Fall to winter and a breaking of a bond built fifteen years strong, maybe even beyond repair...but only time will tell. Really, people, holes in a story are necessary at times, to make you return to learn more, and maybe assemble some pieces of my puzzle. Everything that I put here has meaning to me, and if you follow this along, one day it will have meaning to you. This is a man's life as he travels along the crook of his dream, understanding that it is not that far off because for so long, he has been attempting to grasp the brass ring...when he suddenly looked down and realized it had been in his hand for quite some time now. A symbol we resolve to attain, when the only goal that really matters is your own calling, the moments in life that you were doing what you were truly meant to be, and your soul exults in joy. I am so far along my path, and so dedicated to my intent, that life itself now holds the door open for me. How amazing is that to know? To wake up one day, and see that you are held in such a loving embrace that everyday is designed to be better than the last...that is my life. That has been my life for almost five years now, and it only holds even more illustrious upcomings as the days turn into one another; and still they continue on. It is all about how you handle the ups and downs of the rollercoaster along the journey, and while it can sometimes be a battle to hold your cookies in, there are always the times to look forward to the careening fall into the rest of your future.
So, I made my way through this year, and overcame so many obstacles...a loss of my oldest friend who is still alive but yet I feel dead to her, a touch of what is to come from another who would replace the old with the new, and then the forcible removal of one more from my eyes, never to be seen again. I swear to god I blinked, and my first year of school was over, and then summer was upon me faster than the wind catching a kite in its wings. My path becomes as sure as words of solid black, written for all to see, as my own personal disclaimer...what do you want more than anything else in this world? What is it that makes your heart soar into the heavens and your smile shine from end to end? That when you occasionally touch on it, your feet feel like they are not even touching the ground...what is it people? For me, it is this, right now at this very moment. It is using my mind to create, forcing my body to sit still, and regulating my soul to stay true to its desired direction. If you are using those three in tandem and sychronizing their combined efforts, then that will be the day you step from the bubble. That will be the day you see that everything is attainable, it just depends on how much you have to work on it...to see that for something to live, something else must die. Reach down, take ahold of your self, and rip up your moorings. Chase the dream they say is childish, then show them that we all need to see the world as children do...and while you are at it, make sure you show the whole world. For, once again, whose life are you living this for, anyway? Until we meet again, people, until we meet again.
"Once we make our decision, all things will come to us. Auspicious signs are not a superstition, but a confirmation. They are a response."
- Deng Ming-Dao
