The wings of change and how they effect my patterns of growth, initiate removal from situations, and frustrate me so. I would walk amongst mountain paths and feel the north wind blow its current softly over my face, letting me know that change was to soon be upon me, then I would blink, and find myself in transition. Standing in front of an ocean on a foggy summer morning, I felt the wind blow with such force and certainty that if I didn't pay attention, it would find some other way to get to me. Each time I set out on foot alone, with low funds, but always knowing my heart was strong, and my soul ready to soar once again. With every departure, I would find in time that the words "your heart is free" work their way into my conscious, and now it is not so. So, now more than ever, I feel the frustration set in with more ferocity and annoyance because I know I must be patience; I must wait to see what happens next. I will do what I have to, understand the burn of time, and bite my tongue...for now. Who knows what is around the next corner? I cannot tell you that I have an idea but I can tell you this: for every door that closes, another will open...Keep your head up, shoulders straight...now, march. Carpe Diem, and never, ever let the day seize you.

"I can see it in your eyes and what I know in my heart is true - that our love it has faded like the summer run through/ And we will walk along the shoreline one last time together/ Feel the wind blow our wandering hearts like a feather/ But who knows what is waiting in the wings of time...Dry your eyes, we are gonna go where we can shine." - David Gray

So, last night Sof-fie drops by to say goodbye before she takes off back to Quebec, and I said "see ya late" this morning and hurried off to school for my daily dosage of knowledge. But, last night was a different story because Sof-fie gave me a Whistler trail map she carried with her from our time spent there, and automatically my thoughts were back in the mountains. Memories of high peaked, snow-capped steeps, images of riding vertical walls and the feeling of my hand touching those same walls as I ripped along them. How I would leave my mark, scourge their surface, then drop lower and sail off a cliff below. Those weightless, split number of seconds where I understand why Birds chirp and how their wings buffet them along wind currents...that is somewhat of what Whistler is, but you can not place that Mecca of paradise into a "setting" or define something that can only be experienced, lived, and ridden. Powdered fields of perfect loneliness, freedom of the most natural kind, and a deep breath of life's little treasures. Yeah baby, that is whistler, it is so choice and if you have the means I highly recommend it to one and all. If just to do it once, if just to experience an iota of what I have, then you would understand...and if you need a guide,then pay for my way, buy my tickets, and ply me with food and drink; I would be eternally grateful my friend, and you for having me show you the way of the winter samurai. Yeah baby yeah.

"Winter is Nature's way of saying, "Up yours." - Robert Byrne

Sitting here I am reminded of a time in Whistler when I in a quarry of similar sorts. On the one hand I was rich in opportunity and in the other I was flat broke...Both times I could always access a computer to throw my thoughts out into empty walls that would usually reverberate bacl an answer. Now, here I sit in front of a screen, music playing in my ears, and wait to see what will happen next. I have usually compared life to a road, but lately, I have been thinking of it as more of a map - you can read directions from a map, n'est pas? You can follow those directions from a map if you choose, or if not, find an alternate route and proceed from there. Your path is of your own making, your course set and able to be changed, and whatever way you head, you will always find a shorcut of some sort in between. This is where you find the richness of experience, the beauty of choice, and the understanding that we all have to make decisions in life that are not so easy to make sometimes...Hold on McGinty. Hold on.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
- Henry David Thoreau

I never know how I am supposed to be on this new leg of my journey. The process of understanding the part pain must play in our lives, the realization that it will always be with us, is not an easy pill to swallow, but what else can I do? I take my lumps along with every other heart that has entered the game only to have the game play a joke on them, and send them back for more time alone. I can take being alone, that is not so bad, but it can be hard when you know you have so much to offer another soul, so much to give and not so much to take...I wake up in the mornings, get ready for school, and try not to think about her, yet she is always on my mind and has been for the last number of years. It just seems to be more prevalent now; in my dreams, my waking hours, and whatever time is in between. I hit the gym, work out aggression, go to classes, and pretend that my heart is not in shambles. But, is it really so though? Sometimes, I lay awake at night - times like these - and think of how I am making the right decisions, acquiring the knowledge to continue on, and for some reason, I know that everything is as it should be. Through it all, I still have the most important thing a person can have...I have myself and I have a future to look forward to. Where I am now is where I have always meant to be, and the travels ahead are full of promise and new opportunities. My only question is this: what about those rocking chairs we always had picked out for each other but were never given the chance to sit in them? Are they still out there, and if so, are they going to begin to gather dust one day? Hold on McGinty. Hold on.

"Pale winter sun is beating the ground/Why am I throwing away the best thing I have ever found?/And my young heart is in tatters and I'm sure that it will be a long time healing/it is so hard to see what I'm doing this for...when loneliness is all that I am feeling/Stole my time, all my time, spend my time for you/Now the wind it is blowing, blowing leaves from the trees, I've got no use knowing that in time it will ease/I don't know where I am going, I hope I get there soon because my soul is as hollow as the sorrowful moon." - David Gray

The art of gathering dust is not for all interested parties, but only for the brave of heart. Step #1 is to have your heart broken enough times that you feel it seal slightly and begin the soft freeze. Step #2 is to move forward, never give up on hope or love, and place one foot in front of the other. Step #3 is to tear down the comfort zone you have placed around yourself, and rebuild again, then tear down those new walls, and rebuild rebuild rebuild. Through these steps you are able to find out who you really are, what you are really made of, and gather an inkling to where your next steps will lead...Step #4 for me was to return to school after a hiatus of drugs, drink, snow culture, loss of friends and love along the way. Now, here I am, ready to start all over again, and rebuild what tatters remain. Did I say tatters? Oops, sorry I meant to say rebuild all that matters...as in I matter, where I am going matters, and one day I will make sense of why we choose the roads we choose, and why they can make such a difference in our lives. Carpe diem peeps, and never ever let the day seize you. Late.

"I've got no reason but that I must/maybe I feel like I've been gathering dust/I must leave this harbour for the sea/I'm too young to settle down and make a home/But I don't know where I'm wanting to be...I just know I have to be there alone...Stole my time, all my time, spend my time for you." - David Gray

The road we travel on is only as hard as we make it out to be. All the twists and turns we come across are easily met, decided upon, and then we must continue from there...not much to really say on my first blog, but, hey, all these pressures without a deadline can play havoc on anyone, right? Right? Well, am I not right?