I am alone out here. Not lonely per se, but I have not been able to place my soul on display, other than my writings that is. When that happens, and it does happen occasionally, I go for walks to ease myself into a state of just being. Usually when I take those ambles, my mind starts to race, and tonight would be a classic example of that.
It is in those times, that I liken my thoughts to a Hot Wheels race track. The kind where the little toy cars zoom down a plastic raceway, flying through loop-de-loops and propelled by the remote control in a child's hand. Sometimes, I get lucky and instead of the repetition of circles in my contemplation, I feel the wheels dislodge from its grooved roadway as a finger slips on a trigger. I fly through the air, end over end, spinning into a freefall, and it is there that my dreams overtake my waking minutes.
I am not sure about you, but to me, dreams are stages in life, tiny flashes of random moments that happen in random settings. It is like I am living a simple second in life, when I realize wow, I have seen that before, or wow, I have been here before. I think I see my waking days while I sleep, but stranger than that is the conclusion I came to while walking tonight as my mind raced.
I started to think about the potential we all have, the potential you have, and the potential I have. The following would be some of my conclusions. Here you go, and may you enjoy.
We are all given an opportunity of time, to learn the potential of a skill, a talent, or even better, a gift. We are given the chance to develop that potential so that it becomes more than just a hobby; more than just a love. You start to see personal potential when that love becomes a passion.
But it is after the passion that the obsession has been known to follow. It scares us so much that we step back, maybe even step away, and ponder our next step. I feel like I have been doing that in the last week, feeling like writing has been a chore, and when that happens...I get scared. But, I refuse to accept anything but the best from myself anymore, so those around me receive nothing but the same.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am getting closer and closer to some of the remaining chapters in my book. I threw down some words the other night, and felt my soul exult in remembrance; felt it recognize what it has always wanted. Yet, as the words appeared in print, I relive another life, another time when I had to pick up and move on again. To be honest, it can be draining at times returning to days when I thought I was so close to love, so close to something...to only remember that it was not to be.
I guess what I am getting at is that, now in my present day, I am seeing how much I have grown as a person since those days, and becoming the person I was diligently building oh so many years ago. I see that I am tapping into that well of opportunity, that source of potential to make myself the best I know I can be.
It is truly amazing to see this, people, it is truly amazing. As I walked, the sun shone down so bright from its perch in a cloudless sky, the water was so calm and glowing in the silver light, and the mountains were a painting in the background. I raised my chin higher, and saw that although I may be in a box inside of a cage, at least now I can realize that. Soon, nothing will hold me back from being what I know I will be, and nothing will place borders around my soul.
So I face the fear, I pull my shoulders back, and I hold my head proud...and I walk. Forward progression is, and always will be, the only link to survival. Until we meet again, people, until we meet again.
"I've got another confession my friend...I'm no fool. I'm getting tired of starting again...somewhere new. Were you born to resist or be abused? I swore I'd never give in...I refuse." - Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters
