Clarity of Sight

We all love our mothers, right? Of course we do, but I consider myself pretty lucky to have mine; or at the very least, the friendship we have. She has seen a lot, has done a lot, and has raised a lot of good boys to become strong men. Yet, to me, she seems to get stronger herself the more the years pass. I have put Gail through many things in her time with me, but now it is not so. It is pride I hear in her voice, strength in my belief, and on her shoulder I many times have found my head. Sometimes, I think it may be her words that flow through my hand, but, no, that would be crazy to think that, right? Right? Meet a little portion of my Mother and tell me if you agree with that or not...I bet you will beg to differ. Here you go, and may you enjoy.

Imagine growing up never being able to see out of your right eye. Now picture yourself, with that "limited" vision, raising four young boys on your own, and learning to understand yourself in the process. She showed us how to laugh at each other, by laughing at her self in the first place...and one day showed me how to laugh at life. Remember that I told you I hurt myself once, but have only hinted at what caused it? There is a reason for that, as there is a reason why I am writing a book in the first place. It is the best way I can ever see fit to honor my Mom, while we are both alive in the same world together, and I know I am allowed the allotted time to do it. How do I know this, you may ask? Some time in the next two years, when my book is published, you will learn why...when it is all said and done, we all are allowed the allotted time to finish what we started, and others of us are just allowed to create their own stories. That would be me, and that would be Gail. Really, people, that would be all of us.

I grew up around her and never took anything from the fact that she was unable to see out of her eye. For that matter, for what I got away with when I was younger, I could of sworn she had two more in the back of her head. It never passed my mind that she was as normal as everyone else; but, she was not normal...she was an angel disguised as my Mother. Seriously, people, there is only one I will ever run to when I am needing solace, when my heart is shattered, or when I just need to hear her voice. I know there are some of you out there who have lost, some who never knew, and even those who met another who became the same. I understand, really I do, because I see it in her eyes when she looks at me. Remember what has come and gone, but be most thankful for what we still have...and that is the life we breath as you now read. Inhale in, exhale out, and just believe. There is a purpose, and there is a care. Once again, how can I be so sure, you may ask? Miracles happen everyday, and I just learned one only yesterday.

We had not talked in a few weeks with me being busy working two jobs, moving to a new abode, and basically being the delinquent son boys can sometimes be. Last night, I listened to her voice, joined with my own at times, but mainly just listened as she told me the news. How her granddaughter stood slightly out of sight of her right eye, waving her hand, and how my Mother was able to actually see her do it. That, no, it is not anywhere near complete quite yet, but that it is there at all is a miracle in itself. The tears came, followed by thankful thoughts, and, once again, I am overtaken by the power of my life. How it flows through the ups and downs, and how it takes the time to show me that the way is lit; and that the path is true. Not that it didn't matter to me about her sight before, but more so now, that the next time we meet it will be with both our eyes. We are all held in the palm, people, and remember that when things seem at their worst, and when they move too fast. Know that this too will pass, and another door will soon open that was even better than the last. If Gail is experiencing this now, then my years in life can only get better the more days I put into it. A day in is a day in. Until we meet again people, until we meet again.

"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; a Mother's secret hope outlives them all." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Clock out?

Unique adj. A thing without like; something unequalled or unparalleled (eg. The phoenix, unique of birds)

Thought n. The intellectual activity or production of a particular time or group (eg. Ancient Greek thought; deconstructionist thought)

I strive to figure out what others consider normal conversation, or for that matter, what they consider normal thoughts. It seems that I am one who does not think like the normal flock, or even keep up with normal daily ins and outs. Believe me, people, it is not as if I do not want to diverge from my mind sometimes, but it just seems that when I do, it follows me like a sheep dog herding a lost stray.

I realize then, that my course is unique from the norm, and the sooner I accept it, the better off I will be. All are called but not all will answer...fine for you, but not acceptable for me. I hear the bell tolling for me to come home, and home is where my journey leads. All it takes is a little bit of time, a dash of patience, and a wanderlust for the road ahead. For an example of life within the confines of my mind, read on. Here you go, and may you enjoy.

I lay awake last night, just before I fell asleep, and listened to my thoughts. Amazingly, I could actually feel time passing; an internal clock of sorts with an inaudible tick to mark the passage. It led me to think on how I live my life, and if I am taking advantage of my daily opportunities. To be quite honest, I do not empty my waking moments of their full usage. How could I possibly do that? As it is, I am told that I think too much, that I can be too deep at times, and that I need to get out of my head at others.

There are those that look at time as the end of days, as in they finish one another off. No, I prefer to see them as new beginnings, another chance to learn, as avenues of growth, and, more importantly...times that bring me closer to the truth. For if it is not the truth you are searching for, then what is it? Why would you journey down the road, only to find fallacy in the end? Why indeed...I only know that the truth will set us free.

Locked doors can lead to open rooms, and are also chances to rest. They are pregnant with inspiration, sometimes evaluation, and are always time for preparation. I am all about my present moments, but is it so wrong to plan for my future? To imagine my life full of happiness, travel, and reaching for my full potential? So, when it all happens, I can just act surprised, even though I know everything acted accordingly to plan. I mean, why else would I invest so much time in myself, right? I do not so much aim for my mark, as much as I aim above it...that way, I am able to at least hit what I have in sight. No more; no less.

That is not to say that failure is not allowable. Actually, quite the opposite at times because the best way to learn is from our mistakes. No, it is more about how we bounce back from our failings. To not dwell on them after the fall, but, instead, to pick ourselves up, brush off the dust, and continue on. Not to repetitious, but, remember that forward progression is the only link to survival.

It is the lessons learned during transition that aid us in our journey. The end result is how we look at our passing days. Are they just a means to an end that is inevitable, building up one on top of the other? Or are they chances to build on your life and make each day better than the last? For this cat, every day brings me closer to wisdom, and, eventually, my end result. The last rung at the top of my ladder. Until we meet again, people, until we meet again.

"What I say, what I think

What I put down in ink

I'm only trying to find a way to understand

And I mean no harm

I'm just searching for calm

In the storm of mankind"

- David Gray

Encounters of the Soul

Friend n. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

Hero n. In Mythology and legend, a person, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for their bold exploits, and favoured by the gods.

I have this friend that I think of all the time, and who means the world to me. She is leaving this country behind in the fall, and I feel it would only be right to brag of her to everyone else. You see, she is a big reason why I have not given up on people at times, and is nothing short of amazing. Today is her birthday, and with this posting I give thanks to her, for her, and am thankful she is in my life. Here you go, and may you enjoy.

How does one go about changing their life? Do you one day just leave it all behind and begin anew? What if leaving it all behind meant leaving your homeland, and moving to another country on the other side of the equator? What if it meant reinventing yourself and learning a new language? Now, imagine you are only eighteen years old...would you still do it? You would if your name was Nelly, and all you ever wanted to do was travel and make the world your own private playground. That is not to say that it has been handed to her on a silver platter, by all means no - she has been through her trials and tribulations, and yet holds her head high to wade into the battle. If you know her, then you know she would do anything for the important people in her life, and even more for the ones she loves to death. I am one of those fortunate few who benefit from our bond, and really, to tell the truth...I am not looking forward to the day when she walks away from the East Coast; although, I do know we will meet again.

I have sat down and talked with Brasil on so many occasions that it would be silly to count them all. But, with everyone of them, I come away with new knowledge, new insight, and the feeling that my words were not only heard, but that they were appreciated. We embark on stories and tales of lore, conversations of life, and where we are headed down our respective roads. We laugh at each other, and let one another know we are happy to have each other's friendships. But, of all the things I have received from Nelly, it was the lesson in love that I treasure the most...and I know she feels the same way. If you were to read back in my archives, you would come upon an entry on how people enter our lives for a reason, season, or a lifetime. I have now seen that I met her on a different level...an encounter of the soul between two individuals who needed to see what the other side looked like. To learn that you can always gain knowledge everyday, but in the end, it is the wisdom of understanding life's little ins and outs that matters the most. I am so eternally grateful to her for so many different reasons, and will always consider her one of the closest friends I have ever had. I mean, there are only two people in my life that will get the first manuscripts of my book - my Mother and Brasil. The two most special women in my life.

So, Nelly? If you are reading this, then cheers to your twenty-fifth year on earth, and cheers to your upcoming future...so bright and open like the skies above, both North and South alike. Do not fear what lays ahead, or what others may say to you, or even what they might try and take from you. Remember that you have more strength that you could possibly know, and so many people that love you dearly...I know this cat loves you to the very marrow of his bone. Shine like the stars above, and love like you have never loved before. Until we meet again, people, until we meet again.

"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."

- Muhammad Ali

Summer of Wonder

I was going through some of my papers whilst packing up belongings...you see, I am moving at the end of the month, and so must begin the horrifically tedious task of throwing all my belongings together. Again. Anyway, during my paper shuffling, I came across a writing I did earlier in the summer about destinations, and, now here I am, preparing to arrive at another one. I have almost been in Halifax a full year, and it is the longest I have stayed in one place for the last six years. My second year of school is upcoming, and, really, life is just getting better and better. The next entry is a story of my thoughts over the course of a few days, during an East Coast summer day. Here you go, and may you enjoy.

I'm sitting here, listening to traffic passing by on a busy afternoon. Life moves so fast that I sometimes need to take the time to slow it down; take the time to breathe. I laugh as I watch a bird hopping on the outside deck, as it takes little jumps to reach whatever temporary destination it is headed for. That is what it comes down to for me...destinations of a temporary nature, all reached before I blink, and then gone in a breath. Then the next one beckons me forward, its crooked finger always inviting me onward. Straight ahead and down the winding path.

My dream has lead me to so many times and places, all meant to be temporary for their own particular reasons. It chases after me, and, usually, may sometimes mock me; or so it can feel at times, anyway. But, oh, what my eyes have seen along the way. Some of my favourite things in the world have happened in selected nooks and crannies, like sitting in an ocean cove, while children play in the park behind me...or watching the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean; even listening to a friend laugh as we share a story. As I think of these memories, my blood begins to tingle with the thought that there is even more to come.

The days pass until the fog drifts into the harbour. I watch as it burns away and the sun struggles to break through its clouded barricade. Funny, but not so many years ago, I was in my own fog, unsure of my next step, but only knowing that they led forward...and not backwards. I have learned to understand my past, even when I do not grasp its meaning. It is my future that awaits, and my present that lays the bedrock of foundation. Like I always say, forward progression is the link to survival.

I can smell the salt ocean air, can watch as the light bounces off waves over the water, and can feel life running through my veins. Along my way, the road has been rocky, and sometimes treacherous to walk upon, but yet, I will continue on. For there are the days and times that I feel the smoothness of my path...and know that I am headed in the right direction. Of that I readily know, and trust in the process of life to take care of me - to take care of my soul and allow it room to breathe.

Head up, shoulders straight...now, march.

"Really great men have a curious feeling that the greatness is not them, but through them."
- John Ruskin