Coffee stained thoughts...

Ever find yourself up late, and with so many thoughts in your head that you cannot sleep? Yup, so here I am, in that same spot right now, and so unsure as what to write...makes me think of what the defiler of shoes wrote - about writing with a purpose and not just for a journal. So, okay, I am going to delve right into the nitty-gritty of it all.

What do y'all know about drugs? Have you ever taken any? Known someone who has or been around someone on them? I am not talking about marijuana here, peeps, I am talking about the hard stuff...coke, E, Special K, shrooms, crank, meth, speed, whatever your flavour may be. Do you think it to be innocuous and a basic little "hobby" or "something to do?" Do not fool yourselves, kids, it is more than you will ever make it out to be. I am not up here on my portable soap-box, spouting off rhetoric for the sake of hearing my own voice - although it does take a sexy deep timbre late at night - I am speaking from experience, from self-acquired knowledge. I believe there is nothing wrong with smoking a joint now and then, or even imbibing in some well-earned nights of drinking or partying. We all need to blow off steam, somehow, someway, at times. No, I am talking about letting something control your life, where you need to get "high" to have fun, to enjoy your life...to make your time here go by that much faster. Drugs are bad, mmmkay? They take away from what you already have; they take your mind, your freedom, your existence. I know, peeps, I know they do...Let me tell you a small story, okay?

So, there I was, all messed up on drugs, having a good time, and not caring about where my life was headed. I had amazing friends, a nice girlfriend, two jobs, and was thoroughly enjoying my time on earth. Or was that just the drugs telling me that? Huh, anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I used to get so high that the only thing that mattered was how long the high would last for, and where we could get more drugs...sound familiar to anyone? The new year was up and coming, and we were partying like it was 1999...wait a second, it was 1999. Huh, funny that. So, anyway, you guys do not want to hear the rest, it is not important; it only involves me getting right messed up on way too many narcotics, detaching myself from my friends, getting lost, and oh yeah...some time after that ending up hurting myself real real bad. Who of you want to hear a story like that? One of a life-altering-occurrence that opened up this cat's eyes, and made my future loom so true and close, that all I could do was place one foot in front of the other and follow my new path. Changed my life so much that I came to see that we can all change our lives if we want; with or without the drugs, preferably without. I have a tattoo on my upper left shoulder - well, almost all of my left shoulder actually - that is how I look at my life...the phoenix that arises from the ashes of its former self; stronger, faster, and ready for what comes next. Funny what I will write when I have no idea what to say hey?

If you are curious, do not know who I am, and want to hear my stories, then leave a comment for me pertaining to them. If you know me, but do not know that story and want to hear it, then leave a comment saying so and I will more than happily oblige. Until then, I will not allow this to be my online journal, but sometimes...things have a funny way of working out, right? Right.

"Cocaine is God's way of saying you are making too much money."
- Robin Williams

Lifting of the fog...

There I was, standing on a rooftop and gaining another perspective on the city that is Halifax. J2 and I were taking a break from our monumentous night of nine hours of studying for Stats, when we went up to his rooftop for a breather. On our first trip, the condensation was so low, we could barely see anything and the ocean was non-existent in sight. It reminded me of days jogging on the beach in Tofino, when I would run along the sand and not be able to see the ocean for the fog. It was weird to hear it at my feet but not be able to see it; until later that morning when the fog would lift like a nun's habit on her wedding night. When the next time we went for a smoke, the fog has disappeared and we could see all of Bedford, the Bridge, and the lights sprinkled across the water...it was so peaceful, and my heart so in need of some minor quiet. Then we returned once again to study stats - yay for stats!! Yay!!

My time up top made me think of where I can go with my creativity - I stood there and bounced ideas off of Jordan, and what I want to start up as my business. I stayed up late after he had gone to sleep...finished my studying, and placed pen to paper to make some designs. Damn, I think I may have something here...Nelly, you reading this? If I talk to you after you see this, we need to talk, and I need to bounce shit off of you...like always. The long run of it is that I can honour my Boy Lennie in a time - respected fashion that will be more than a trend; more than a fad for everyone to know who he was, and what will remain of his soul. At the same time I can go about the task of making myself so when you all meet me, you will know who I am. I know, I know, I am not exactly giving out real information, but it will be up and coming in the next six months. Just hold on McGinty. Hold on.

I may have found my purple elephant.

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."
- William Jennings Bryan

Falling raindrops...

I stood there, in the freezing rain and falling snow, outside the church. Inside they were saying mass for my friend, and outside there was standing room only, and many were standing in the cold to pay their respects...saying goodbye to Lennie. I walked down to the cove and just reflected on so many things; anything to get my mind up and away from where it was. How do you say goodbye to someone like him? I never got enough time to truly know him, but the time we had, we made the most of. Does he know how many people were there, and if so, does he also know how he touched so many souls? I held Nelly close, tried to be strong, and payed my respects to my man. I, I, I...I am at a lost for words to express my emotions, both mingled in with sadness and also anger. Anger at the fact that his child will never know their father, and will only have information from the man that is now becoming part myth, part legend. What did Nelly say? That it will be a happy day when his child is born for no matter where they go, they will always be protected and watched over.

Tears fell from so many eyes, and even the tough shed some salt. How could we not? A life so young that did not have to leave our presence, did not have a need to be taken in such a violent manner. I am starting to find some closure, find some sense in all the madness, and continue on with my life. It is the only thing to do, to take the life that we have and live it for ourselves...to travel foreign soils, meet new faces, and always keep those close to us close in our hearts. The last time I stood in standing-room only was at my friend Steve-O's funeral, and once again, there was so many people to say goodbye to an angel that was taken before their time. Keep each other company until I arrive guys, and then we can share all the stories when we meet again.

Time will pass but your memory never will, your laugh always in my thoughts, and I look ahead to the awaiting future; the falling drops of rain that soon will give away to a rainbow of hope.

Rest in peace Len-dog, and rest assured you are missed.

"Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich tresures, beautiful souls and interesting people."
- Henry Miller