Early morning in Halifax and the burn of a cold winter stays in my bones. I am lucky though because I get to have the heat of a southern american body next to me keeping me warm. We walk along not knowing what comes next and when events happen we are supposed to act natural, like we knew all along it was going to happen. This is new unchartered territory for this man from the rock and I am thankful I am allowed to experience it. I asked for it many years ago and now my future is not forecasted but instead open and ready to be played out. I give thanks for the strength offered, the guidance given, and the patience to continue. My saga rolls along and I aim to make it the best life a man could ask for; we are the vessel and our souls the captain, sailing through the tempest to find our passage of safe harbour.

"You've got to find the force within you." - Joseph Campbell

I sat back the other night and realized something...I am living on the East Coast again. A place rich in culture, history and tradition, but no mountains. You see, we just got hit with a dumpload of snow here on the East Coast of Canada; ninety-five centies to be exact. Yet, here I am in school, just getting back from working on the beginnings of a research assignment. Around this time, I would usually be knee-deep in the gnar, riding off of soft pillows of snow right now, but...no. This is not exactly the time for that, I guess. No, my time now is to read, study, and basically learn about society, how our minds work...and statistics. Yay for statistics, people; yay. But you want to know the truth? I love being a student - I love the fact that I am thirty years old and back in the crux of learning again. I look around and see hallways of knowledge alongside avenues of opportunity. Now, if I could just have a helping of that with snowy mountains to ride...huh. Like they say - you can't have one without the other, right? Not exactly, and only time will tell what may play out with that scenario. Late.

"Mais vale um p ssaro na mao quedois voando". - Brazilian saying

I give thanks for this little postage spot since there are many nights when I cannot sleep and find myself in situations like this...Do I base my life on one day and live it to the fullest potential? Or do I look forward to what may be held in my future stack of cards and play it safe? Nah, screw it I say, and live every day as it is your last...but, but, but nothing I guess, it is up to us, and only us, to control and guide our lives in the direction we want them to go. I used to think that protecting my heart meant sealing it off, but now I think it comes down to just patiently guarding it instead - not closing the door and pasting bricks in front of it because that would not be living everyday as it should be...how do I know what may come around the corner, and what her smile may do to my senses and how her words may effect my conscious thoughts, wants and desires. I know I am a sucker for a beautiful smile, soft skin and close vicinity of touch and taste but aren't we all? Do we all not want that one to fall asleep with, wake up with, and plan our days with? Not so long ago, my future was planned out with rocking chairs all-in-tow but now it is not so, and amazingly enough, I am okay with that. Not so much because I have to be but more so because it now opens the door for the one to walk into my life and make her presence known. I am making myself in the only image I know - my own because that is the one I always knew fit the best. I also know who "the one" for me is, and that has always been...me, of course. How can you give yourself if you are not whole yourself, right? It only makes sense to make yourself first and then they will follow...trust me on this one folks, trust me.

"Whatever ganes are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves." - Ralph Emerson Waldo

Here I am, on a cold winter night, just sitting and thinking...I have all these friends all over this great world - well, okay maybe not ALL over but fairly close - and I find my self thinking of what travelling means to each of us. Having spent the last 5 years on the road, seeing the sights I have, experienced the journeys first-hand, meeting the people I have met and forged bonds of steel...I find myself wondering what comes next? I am here for the next 4 years, in school where I want to be, but I find my mind wondering when I sit down to study, and picture where my feet will lead me on my next flight of fancy. Australia? Nah, I would rather see New Zealand...Uruguay? Nah, I would rather see Egypt...I think my next major trip will be to South America, to check out that land of hot sand and even hotter women; to head to Chile and ride in the Andes mountains, take in the fresh, different air, and just breathe in life...But only after this particular goal is accomplished and not until then. That is what life is all about, is it not? It is to me at the very least. We must soak up all of this life has to offer - to understand what it means to walk sandy beaches, ride off a 20 foot cliff, laugh with new friends, experience the qualities that are up to us to savour. To know the semantics of study, become a scholar so you can initiate, join, and continue any conversation you may become a part of - to know that your comfort zone is so expansive that it is out if sight and just around the next corner waiting to be rebuilt again. Take it in your hands, my friends, take this glorious object we call life and just breathe...Feel it fill your senses, absorb into your internal and escape from your mind like all the stories that scream to escape their dark confines...How they long to be opened and shown to others so that they may share their own, and that we may all laugh...Carpe diem.

"The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it; immediately or for the long run." - Henry David Thoreau

Precision

Flame flowing, faith growing, I could never stop slowing
Down into the valley of want and desire
Feet in motion that never seem to tire
Rise above it all, no matter how
Many times you have to stand tall
The road shall rise and the road shall fall
Just follow painted directions
From the map on the wall

Be it me or be it you
My heart stays strong by a mind still true
Winds of change shifting their speed
Pay attention to what they say
And notice what they read

Litter of trees on a steep of white
Bows heavily laden
Oh what a sight
Mad dash for the border
To understand it all; to find some order

My heart stays strong by a mind still true
Winds of change shifting their speed
Pay attention to what they say
And notice what they read

So where am I now and where does it lead
If a soul is cut, will that soul still bleed?
A mind rebuilding and a heart in tatters
Makes the difference in the end, it all still matters

Words to confuse and words to entice
In the long run will need to be precise

To the one who knows me better than anyone else...

Solid Ground

How old is old?
Until my mind runs dry or my blood runs cold?
When will I see my last sun rise or my last sun set?
When goals are made and goals are met?
Desires and offered temptation
Less important than forgiveness and exemption

Not too far down
When the days are short and the nights are long
One day soon I will see you around

My rock in a hard place
The same others like to beat against
Stay solid and stay strong
Then lean your back against mine
To become each other's solid ground

Not too far down
When the days are short and the nights are long
One day soon I will see you around

I see in your eyes what you know is my soul
I can't compromise and I can't let go
For my mind feels the burn and my heart takes the toll
But yet I will stand tall and I will stand strong
Leaning against the rock
On my new solid ground

Not too far down
When my days are short and my nights are long
One day soon I will see you around
Feel the fire warm your bones and know I am your solid ground

The wings of change and how they effect my patterns of growth, initiate removal from situations, and frustrate me so. I would walk amongst mountain paths and feel the north wind blow its current softly over my face, letting me know that change was to soon be upon me, then I would blink, and find myself in transition. Standing in front of an ocean on a foggy summer morning, I felt the wind blow with such force and certainty that if I didn't pay attention, it would find some other way to get to me. Each time I set out on foot alone, with low funds, but always knowing my heart was strong, and my soul ready to soar once again. With every departure, I would find in time that the words "your heart is free" work their way into my conscious, and now it is not so. So, now more than ever, I feel the frustration set in with more ferocity and annoyance because I know I must be patience; I must wait to see what happens next. I will do what I have to, understand the burn of time, and bite my tongue...for now. Who knows what is around the next corner? I cannot tell you that I have an idea but I can tell you this: for every door that closes, another will open...Keep your head up, shoulders straight...now, march. Carpe Diem, and never, ever let the day seize you.

"I can see it in your eyes and what I know in my heart is true - that our love it has faded like the summer run through/ And we will walk along the shoreline one last time together/ Feel the wind blow our wandering hearts like a feather/ But who knows what is waiting in the wings of time...Dry your eyes, we are gonna go where we can shine." - David Gray

So, last night Sof-fie drops by to say goodbye before she takes off back to Quebec, and I said "see ya late" this morning and hurried off to school for my daily dosage of knowledge. But, last night was a different story because Sof-fie gave me a Whistler trail map she carried with her from our time spent there, and automatically my thoughts were back in the mountains. Memories of high peaked, snow-capped steeps, images of riding vertical walls and the feeling of my hand touching those same walls as I ripped along them. How I would leave my mark, scourge their surface, then drop lower and sail off a cliff below. Those weightless, split number of seconds where I understand why Birds chirp and how their wings buffet them along wind currents...that is somewhat of what Whistler is, but you can not place that Mecca of paradise into a "setting" or define something that can only be experienced, lived, and ridden. Powdered fields of perfect loneliness, freedom of the most natural kind, and a deep breath of life's little treasures. Yeah baby, that is whistler, it is so choice and if you have the means I highly recommend it to one and all. If just to do it once, if just to experience an iota of what I have, then you would understand...and if you need a guide,then pay for my way, buy my tickets, and ply me with food and drink; I would be eternally grateful my friend, and you for having me show you the way of the winter samurai. Yeah baby yeah.

"Winter is Nature's way of saying, "Up yours." - Robert Byrne

Sitting here I am reminded of a time in Whistler when I in a quarry of similar sorts. On the one hand I was rich in opportunity and in the other I was flat broke...Both times I could always access a computer to throw my thoughts out into empty walls that would usually reverberate bacl an answer. Now, here I sit in front of a screen, music playing in my ears, and wait to see what will happen next. I have usually compared life to a road, but lately, I have been thinking of it as more of a map - you can read directions from a map, n'est pas? You can follow those directions from a map if you choose, or if not, find an alternate route and proceed from there. Your path is of your own making, your course set and able to be changed, and whatever way you head, you will always find a shorcut of some sort in between. This is where you find the richness of experience, the beauty of choice, and the understanding that we all have to make decisions in life that are not so easy to make sometimes...Hold on McGinty. Hold on.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
- Henry David Thoreau

I never know how I am supposed to be on this new leg of my journey. The process of understanding the part pain must play in our lives, the realization that it will always be with us, is not an easy pill to swallow, but what else can I do? I take my lumps along with every other heart that has entered the game only to have the game play a joke on them, and send them back for more time alone. I can take being alone, that is not so bad, but it can be hard when you know you have so much to offer another soul, so much to give and not so much to take...I wake up in the mornings, get ready for school, and try not to think about her, yet she is always on my mind and has been for the last number of years. It just seems to be more prevalent now; in my dreams, my waking hours, and whatever time is in between. I hit the gym, work out aggression, go to classes, and pretend that my heart is not in shambles. But, is it really so though? Sometimes, I lay awake at night - times like these - and think of how I am making the right decisions, acquiring the knowledge to continue on, and for some reason, I know that everything is as it should be. Through it all, I still have the most important thing a person can have...I have myself and I have a future to look forward to. Where I am now is where I have always meant to be, and the travels ahead are full of promise and new opportunities. My only question is this: what about those rocking chairs we always had picked out for each other but were never given the chance to sit in them? Are they still out there, and if so, are they going to begin to gather dust one day? Hold on McGinty. Hold on.

"Pale winter sun is beating the ground/Why am I throwing away the best thing I have ever found?/And my young heart is in tatters and I'm sure that it will be a long time healing/it is so hard to see what I'm doing this for...when loneliness is all that I am feeling/Stole my time, all my time, spend my time for you/Now the wind it is blowing, blowing leaves from the trees, I've got no use knowing that in time it will ease/I don't know where I am going, I hope I get there soon because my soul is as hollow as the sorrowful moon." - David Gray

The art of gathering dust is not for all interested parties, but only for the brave of heart. Step #1 is to have your heart broken enough times that you feel it seal slightly and begin the soft freeze. Step #2 is to move forward, never give up on hope or love, and place one foot in front of the other. Step #3 is to tear down the comfort zone you have placed around yourself, and rebuild again, then tear down those new walls, and rebuild rebuild rebuild. Through these steps you are able to find out who you really are, what you are really made of, and gather an inkling to where your next steps will lead...Step #4 for me was to return to school after a hiatus of drugs, drink, snow culture, loss of friends and love along the way. Now, here I am, ready to start all over again, and rebuild what tatters remain. Did I say tatters? Oops, sorry I meant to say rebuild all that matters...as in I matter, where I am going matters, and one day I will make sense of why we choose the roads we choose, and why they can make such a difference in our lives. Carpe diem peeps, and never ever let the day seize you. Late.

"I've got no reason but that I must/maybe I feel like I've been gathering dust/I must leave this harbour for the sea/I'm too young to settle down and make a home/But I don't know where I'm wanting to be...I just know I have to be there alone...Stole my time, all my time, spend my time for you." - David Gray

The road we travel on is only as hard as we make it out to be. All the twists and turns we come across are easily met, decided upon, and then we must continue from there...not much to really say on my first blog, but, hey, all these pressures without a deadline can play havoc on anyone, right? Right? Well, am I not right?