I never know how I am supposed to be on this new leg of my journey. The process of understanding the part pain must play in our lives, the realization that it will always be with us, is not an easy pill to swallow, but what else can I do? I take my lumps along with every other heart that has entered the game only to have the game play a joke on them, and send them back for more time alone. I can take being alone, that is not so bad, but it can be hard when you know you have so much to offer another soul, so much to give and not so much to take...I wake up in the mornings, get ready for school, and try not to think about her, yet she is always on my mind and has been for the last number of years. It just seems to be more prevalent now; in my dreams, my waking hours, and whatever time is in between. I hit the gym, work out aggression, go to classes, and pretend that my heart is not in shambles. But, is it really so though? Sometimes, I lay awake at night - times like these - and think of how I am making the right decisions, acquiring the knowledge to continue on, and for some reason, I know that everything is as it should be. Through it all, I still have the most important thing a person can have...I have myself and I have a future to look forward to. Where I am now is where I have always meant to be, and the travels ahead are full of promise and new opportunities. My only question is this: what about those rocking chairs we always had picked out for each other but were never given the chance to sit in them? Are they still out there, and if so, are they going to begin to gather dust one day? Hold on McGinty. Hold on.

"Pale winter sun is beating the ground/Why am I throwing away the best thing I have ever found?/And my young heart is in tatters and I'm sure that it will be a long time healing/it is so hard to see what I'm doing this for...when loneliness is all that I am feeling/Stole my time, all my time, spend my time for you/Now the wind it is blowing, blowing leaves from the trees, I've got no use knowing that in time it will ease/I don't know where I am going, I hope I get there soon because my soul is as hollow as the sorrowful moon." - David Gray