Seperating of the senses...

I wrote not too long ago of the passing of my friend, Lennie, but tonight I will write about a new life instead. My close friend Amy, a Canadian living in Australia, is the new mother of beautiful little Ava Leora. I almost believe I can see Amy's wisdom in her eyes, and essentially already know she will have inherited her mom's wanderlust to boot. They are coming back to our soil in August I think, so I will have to see fit to go visit sometime in the coming year; it would be good to see Vancouver in the summer again. But before I do that, I will be making plans to go back home for the George Street Festival at the end of July. There may be a chance of meeting my brother's new son, the nephew I have yet to hold in my arms, and breath in the smell of new life.

I remember when my phone rang last summer, while I was hanging out with my friend Kim at my Whistler residence. It was my brother calling from the highway somewhere in North Carolina with the news of Connor's birth. He was such a proud pappy and I could hear my nephew gurgling in the background. It was so awesome to know my family was branching out and we were welcoming it with arms wide open. At the time, I was in transition of getting ready to leave the mountains for my move back to the East Coast, beginning school at the age of thirty, and leaving behind one lifestyle for a completely different one; one of scholarly pursuits and not my usual soul search for snow. It had been a year of new openings for me, learning about myself, and travelling so far down the rabbit hole that I had to leave behind a bread trail to locate the exit. I was healing a separated shoulder - the bone still sticks out a sore thumb - and thought I was soon to be heading to meet the woman I wanted to marry.

Quick story while on the topic of life - since mine always seems to be a little more strayed than your normal, everyday versions. Picture this if you will: Imagine having a photograph of a girl years before you meet her, and then have that same female sit behind you in class, not three years later. Imagine not putting two and two together until another fours years down the road. Now see yourself being best friends with her for fifteen years while not even seeing her once, in the last ten of those. Finally, conceptualize going to see her again when she was now a woman... I was returning for an education, yes, but had been in love with her from the time I laid my sixteen year-old eyes on her, and was planning on telling her so. But, on our first night of reunion, I was beat to the punch, as I listened to her tell me she was the one who had been in love with me for the last decade. Now imagine all those variables, plus the addition of both of us being single, and if you have been reading my posts, then you can also refer to my dream. It all made sense because we had spent our friendship always talking about having our rocking chairs picked out together...amazing how two people who seemed so destined to be together could turn out to be so wrong and different from one another. How it could strain a once unbreakable bond, and turn it into pliable jello; until not even the sugar can hold it together. Now imagine not only feeling your heart break, but hearing it as well.

I am not done yet, dear readers, not even by a long-shot...after that, imagine spending time with a co-worker, who when you first saw her, you knew she had something to do with your life. Meeting her when you thought you were with the woman of your dreams, yet feeling guilty for even thinking of her in that way. Imagine that she turns out to be your Kris Kringle pick months later, and your best friend/love of your life, not only picks out the gift for her; but spends twenty minutes wrapping it, and hand-delivering it via you. As in, here you go, here, have Todd because I will be setting him free soon. Sit there one night a few months after that, as she gives you the answer to a personal riddle you have posed to humans for the last three years; ever since you woke up in a hospital bed, full of new life and ready to battle all your demons. Now imagine having to set her free because she is preparing to spend the next three or four years sailing the world, and not only dealing with that, but actually coming to an understanding of it...then not even a month after that, see yourself losing a close friend to murder and an unfair revoked second chance on life. All, one on top of the other...now imagine the fact that you feel stronger than ever, and knowledge of that this too will pass.

Now some will know why I have placed my dream on the top shelf; why I must learn to fashion a hollow from within. For the first time in my life, I see that this is my path, and if we ever do meet it is because we are both headed the same way. Until that day, I will do like always: head up, shoulders straight...now march. Always forward with no regrets, and only maybe a few looks behind over my shoulder. My time is now, what better time is there?

"Scars are souvenirs you will never lose
Past is never far...and did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life...is more than who we are?"
- Goo Goo Dolls