Trinity sessions...

I was walking through school this weekend when I spied posters for a discussion on the "Passion of Christ". It intrigued me, and so I headed to the spot on the appointed day, and was only a few minutes late. There were only two girls there, and as I sat down, one had to get up and leave. I made the best of it and proceeded to have a conversation on theology, the life of Christ, the Bible, and especially spirituality...specifically spirituality. I believe that is the true religion people have to embrace because it is the one that comes from within, from your own beliefs and ideas, not from those that were fed to us as children. That it is up to us to walk the road ahead, make our mistakes, and realize that it is okay; that if we slip and fall, we will not be persecuted for our "sins". How will you know if something is wrong if you don't know first-hand? There is a difference between knowing what the road looks like and actually understanding what it feels like under your feet. Just remember the most important thing about who you are - that we are human, and that we are allowed to let down our guards occasionally; that it is okay to have a bad day sometimes. It took a good friend to tell me that yesterday, on a day when I was on little sleep, and the stress of the world led me on the wrong path. Is it normal to forget who you are sometimes? Yeah, it is...and that is so hard to admit but it is needed in the same breath. It is all I can at times; that is, breathe in and breathe out. It is concrete for me, allows me to concentrate on one little act, and attempt to empty my thoughts. They keep me up at night when my defenses are down and out of sight. Just breathe, Todd...just breathe.

Here is why I am finding it hard to breathe - usually, at this time of year, I am in the makings of a major decision. I am deciding whether or not I will move to another location, or return to school. Now, here I am, so desperately wanting to travel and knowing I have to stay put; for the time being, at least. I mentioned yesterday that part of me wants to pack it all up and head back to the West Coast. Nelly looked at me and her eyes searched mine, then said, "You know that is just running away, right?" Once again, how does someone who has only known you for a short time, come to understand you so well? So, yeah, I will be staying here but then right after I am done my commitment to my future I have other plans. I plan on saving money in between now and then, so when it is all said and done, I can buy an old clunker, and bomb my way down the East Coast to the West Coast of California. From there, I will leave everything behind for awhile, and head off on my own walk-about again. Maybe check out the South American Coast for a few months, then ride in the Andes for another, and then make my way to the Orient and teach English for a year. Then, after I have made some money and have some in the bank, I might just head back to the original homeland and share a pint of Guiness with a beautiful Irish lass, and make some cute little Irish kids and...Snap, there I go again, getting way ahead of myself. Breathe Todd, just breathe.

Hold on McGinty. Hold on.

"Every problem has a gift for you in its hands."
- Richard Bach