Down comes the pedestal...

Peaceful: (peece-ful) adj. peace; free from worry, trouble, etc.

Warrior: (worr-ee-ur) n. a soldier or fighter experienced in battle

I spoke to her tonight about so many different things, the most important being us. The fact that she is playing the game safe from all angles, and more than that; that I cannot do it anymore. It takes so much of me to tell her what she means to me, only to have her tell me that she does not feel the same. You know what sucks more than that? The idea that she hides from me...I know I am going to pay for that, but I could not say it tonight. I told her it will be the last I speak of it to her, but it will not be the last I write of it. How many of you out there have had a person touch you in a place you never knew existed? She has and I cannot help but tell her what that means to me...what she means to me. This is not a sad story people, it is not meant to make you cry, or feel similar emotions, or anything like that. It is my way of understanding why things happen to me in my life, why these angels seem to feel that I am a place of solace and compassion. Tonight, I spoke of a pedestal that is built for two - that the person in my life would be up there with me, to view our world together. I was wrong...it took another woman to explain that to me tonight. A pedestal is not what is needed, for they are usually made of soft crystal, and bound to come crashing down around you. A platform is key, yes, but it is one that will be built with two sets of hands, not one; and will be built in tandem, not man-made. This is the hardest thing I will ever do, to deny feelings, and keep my thoughts hidden from her. I just cannot go on like this anymore, I am just not able to do it to her, but, especially, will not do it to myself anymore. You know what is really funny about it all? She understands...of course she understands because that is Nelly's way, right? She speaks of signs, and I plan on disregarding the ones that come my way. I only know of the most important sign of them all: That I am on the right path, and finally headed in the right direction again. When it all comes down to it, I am doing this for me because when the time comes for her, and she sees me for who and what I truly am...then I can look her in the eyes and see the truth for myself. Like I told her - she will either give me mine back, or grant me something in return. I am sorry, but I do hope you understand why I am doing what I am doing. Who am I kidding...of course you understand.

"Para o bom entendedor, meia palavra basta."
- Brasilian saying